There IS light at the end of this dark tunnell!!

If someone asked me to sit down and write out all of the qualities I consider myself to be, you'd see words like strong, confident, outgoing, beautiful, happy, loving and entertaining. I think highly of myself as a woman but there is another side to me that I don't like others to see and that is the weak, the sad, and the lonely me. Some but very few of you know that the last couple of months have been a huge struggle for me. It's not something I have openly talked about or shared with much of anyone, not even those whom I love the most. I started this blog as an outlet for my feelings, as an open book, an aide for those who don't understand why I am the way I am from one day to another. Here, you will see the unmasked.

As seen in a previous post, I have lost everything I thought that mattered but gained a world of everything that really has. In this crazy world of tragedy, loss, and hardship I've realized there is a whole lot of love. What is it about the god awful word depression that shuns that love when given and ignores it as if it's out to get you?? This sickness is something that I don't understand. I have many unanswered questions and am out to defeat it on a personal level from within. It's causing me a lot of pain and making me act like someone else. Depression is something I at first was ashamed and embarrassed to admit I had.I was in denial that I was even going through something of this degree. In it's progression as of late, my body is physically effected by it and now I am at a point of fear.

I am here blogging about this to apologize to those that I love for not saying anything and seeking the help I needed when this originally came about. I can and will conquer this. I refuse to fall victim to the severe outcome this sickness has on people. I am strong. This is in my control, God will not give me anything I cannot handle therefore;the weak, the sad, and the lonely feelings I have had can kiss my ass!! I am confident. I will overcome this, there is no doubt in my mind. I am more powerful than this sickness. I am outgoing. I will continue to enjoy the world that was meant to be enjoyed. I will play in the snow, the rain, and of course the sun. I am beautiful. I will eat healthy and not be the face of depression. I am happy. Smiling is my favorite thing to do so in every moment of sadness, I will look to those that make me laugh and I will do something that makes me smile. I am loving. I love to love and I loved to be loved. I will open that closed door and embrace it with all that I have. I, am entertaining. We all know that's what I do better than anything else. Depression stands no chance.



"The size of your success is measured by the strenght of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way." Robert Kiyosaki