I wont settle for being a possibility, I want all or nothing.

I can't help but to think I'm stepping one foot forward too fast and its causing me to lose my balance in life. I've fallen short yet I am planning so far ahead. I have certain plans for plans that are very uncertain and while I am so excited to live that life, I am so crushed by the steps that may not be taken to even get there. I'm losing who I am through someone who I want to be with the rest of my life. I'm losing direction and hope all at the same time. What is right? And what is selfish? I am so confused and frustrated right now, I can scream. I know that all of the crappy situations being thrown at me are meant to test my inner strength and not to test how strong my crutch is to lean on. I will soon be having conversations that I don't want to have and making devastating decisions that I don't even want to think about right now. For those that are reading, please pray for me. Pray that God give me direction and strength to speak through Him with my words and rely on Him as my guide through the important decisions to be made in my very near future. And pray that through the sometimes painful outcomes that I have the strength to move on, be myself and know that He's already got my plan at hand.

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Day 6

{A photo of someone you'd trade places with for a day}

There is no photo for this entry for the simple fact that I wouldn't trade lives with anyone if even for just a day. I have a father who stepped out of my life at a very young age but chose one day to be a part of my life when he could have chose to have nothing to do with me. A father who has nothing yet still does what he can to give the shirt off his back and ensure that I am safe and happy. I have a mother who loves me and understands me. A mother who hurts when I hurt and smiles when I smile like no one else can. I have three of the most beautiful sisters in the world. Sisters that I would not trade for a single second. I have a boyfriend that words can't even express how flawless he is. A boyfriend that I will proudly have forever. I have friends that are there when I need them and even when I don't. Friends that will do anything and everything for me and nothing less. Most importantly I have a God that has every best interest of my future right at His hands. A God who will never turn His back on me even with such a pitiful standard of faith. Why would I want to trade places with anyone else...for a day... when I have all of this and more?

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Day 5

{A photo of your favorite memory}

This is only one of the many pictures that I wanted to post for my favorite memory. This is the paradise Aaron and I got to stay in for a whole week of many of my favorite memories. One week back in the day when we had time, we decided to road trip to Indio California. If any of you are familiar with Southern California or better yet Palm Springs in the middle of July, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say we experienced heat like Salem Oregon will probably never see in our lifetime. It was 115 degrees all but one day that we were there so we were excited to drive 2 hours north to visit a theme park each day. The memories are unforgettable and definitely some of my favorite. I can't wait for another vacation!

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Day 4

{A photo of your night}

A first time homebuyers crash course is where Aaron and I spent two and half hours of our evening. Tonight we met our future lender and realtor and couldn't be more excited for what our future holds. Nervous of course but very anxious to take the first step to see what we are even able to shop for.

For those of you who haven't bought a home and or don't know where to start when buying a home... I DEFINITELY recommend taking this free class. Awesome awesome people and really great information.

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Day 3

{A photo of the cast from your favorite show}

The Office: the show I did not understand nor like the first few times I watched it. I finally got the hang of it and it became my favorite and I quickly recruited a few other friends to love it right along with me. Always Sunny, How I Met Your Mother, and East Bound and Down are all some other favorites but The Office is classic and still stands alone at the very top of my list... one more season and my first series of box sets will be complete!!

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Day 2

{A photo of you and the person you have been closest with the longest}

Meet Danny.

I still remember the first day we met (summer of my 8th grade year) He worked at the movie theater that my friend and I often went to. The one where we would go to one movie and sneak into another right after. We thought we were so sly getting two movies for the price of one, slipping past the staff between intermissions and then walking past the staff who saw us walk in 4 hours earlier after buying only one ticket. This day in age, none of is in high school had our own cell phones so yes, we used the pay phone and YES the wehadababyitsaboy thing worked when we called collect. My friend lied and said we were sophomores in high school like it was gain his approval but low and behold on "link day" ( where only freshman and junior/senior link leaders attend) we saw him again. At that point and from then on forward I met the most sarcastic and to this day aggravating person that I know. High school was a lot of good, mostly embarrassing memories and out if high school with seeing him less and less due to his enlistment in the air force, we sometimes grew closer and other times drifted really far apart. Were kind of at the far apart moment right now and I am not sure that will ever change but I will forever consider him one of my very best friends till the very end even if we do fight more than I have ever fought with any of my sisters put together. Love you love you love you Danny.

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Day 1

The 30 Day Facebook Photo Contest. I think this is a good idea but more fitting for my blog than my Facebook. So here it goes and I apologize in advance if I take a couple days to post. I guess that means I fail at the contest part yet I hope you still find it interesting nonetheless.

{Post a photo of yourself and list 10 things about you}

1. I love travelling and somehow manage to do so even if I don't have a penny to spend frivelously. Not the best idea most times but definitely worthwhile.

2. I am actually not a bandwagon duck fan like most think. I was a fan back when they lost a lot of games and for the record have a lot of friends that go to OSU and only give beaver fans crap with the best intentions in mind.

3. Rachel knows this better than anyone else I know.. I don't like pretzels and will pick them out of chex mix/ gardettos or wherever else these people think to mix pretzels with.

4. I hate cats but I love mine and occasionally others that have a cute and cuddly personality just like I hate kids but love the ones that are smart, listen, and are well behaved.

5. I love planning get togethers and outings but am probably the worst at planning them.

6. I already have most of my wedding planned and I am not even engaged. Oops.

7. Skydiving was by far the best experience of my life second being the x2 ride at six flags. P.s. theme parks are amazing... Disneyland being my favorite. I've been a million times and it will never get old.

8. I am very crafty and hate buying things for people at the store to give as gifts. I also much rather recieve a homemade gifts than store bought ones.

9. I am a sucker for trashy t.v. I don't know why its an addiction for me. I won't think its a problem until I start watching jersey shore and at that point, I will both gouge my eyes out and then seek therapy.

10. Oh, and I LOVE love. If any of you know me... you know how serious I am about this.

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2011... what?

It's 2011 and I have to be honest and say that it feels like my new year started a few months ago. We all like to start the year on a fresh new note and for me, that happened in September.

I still haven't quite figured out why friends come and go as often as they do in my life but I can't say that I am completely devastated by the occurrence either. I look at it as a growth in life... either I am growing and they aren't or in some cases I suppose are the other way around. I have although met some of the most fun, amazing and supportive people at just the right time. I've managed to mend old relationships and just forget about others. And best of all, new friends and old... I am the happiest girl on the planet with those on my life that God has blessed me with. For those of you reading this who I at one point had a falling out with, please forgive me and do know that I think about you often. Id love to be in touch again. And for those of you reading this now that know they are an integral part to my life, thank you thank you so much for all that you are. I am so blessed and can only hope to carry on with our great friendships.

Impeccable is the only word that comes to mind in regards to my relationship with Aaron. I know I have said this a million times before but I fall in love with him more and more every single day. There are no words for how blessed I am to be with someone who without the slightest doubt loves me from the deepest part of his heart, who supports me no matter what and guides me when I'm a bit confused or even times completely lost. If words could come close to express how much I love him, I can't even imagine how they'd sound or what they'd look like.

The more that I grow, the more I am becoming my own person rather than what some people think that I should be or claim to "know" what is best for me. Sure the options of school are out there, the possibility of a great paying job is right in front of me... but what did God have in store for me?? No one knows but right now I am happy with my satisfying job, boyfriend who loves me, family that back me, friends that support me, and the strength that God gives me to turn all the arrows that everyone is pointing for me the other direction.

This year, I look forward to being a wife one day, a mom one day, and in the mean time travel the world and love what I do without caring about the judgements of others. I hope everyone is on board with me to a great 2011, 2012, and the years after to come!!!!

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