Blogging when you're upset probably isn't the best idea but I needed to release somehow, somewhere and can't pick out who in specific I should talk to. I am so frustrated right now over something I go back and forth on whether it should even matter to me.... it shouldn't but it does and in the long run, I guess its probably better that I do care and am making a big deal of it. Why is it that when I am at my utmost happiest with something that someone has to do everything in their power to sabotage that happiness?? Does making things awkward and uncomfortable really make you feel like a better person? When you see people that happy, doesn't it make you want to be happy for them and be a part of it too??? I am soooo confused, so let down, and so so frustrated. GRRRR!!!

A word from one of my favorite role models..

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.~Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe could never had said it better and at this point in my life(and a few others that I could name), I don't think this quote could have been more appropriate for some changes taking place right now. For me, I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and that statement alone almost [in a masked type of way] justifies every situation. But there's so much more depth to that... what is the reason? I think that sometimes not knowing hurts the most... its so gut wrenching and unfair. No matter how much someone tells me nothing has changed and life is just so busy that it only seems different, I don't seem to buy it. People do change and letting go is the only way to understand that the truth of it isn't that life is so busy that things seem different but that they have truly changed. I have a problem with letting go. Sometimes its so easy and the times when its 'for the better', it is so hard. I shouldn't have to let go... everything can be worked out regardless right? False. On the contrary I have most recently found that letting go really does allow for the things that went so wrong to be seen like they hadn't before and for the things that were going right the whole time to shine through. Change is good and only those who fear change are not confident in themselves. I am confident, so bring on the change. I am ready for it.

back on track...

or so I thought I was! I'm back in the work game [FINALLY] and I love my job working at the gym. There is so much motivation around me to stay in shape and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I just took a body analysis today and found out how much fat weight I need to lose and how much lean weight I need to gain. The results were less than impressive and there is much work to be done. I am feeling quite accomplished today... first day of training for the 5k and I'm proud of myself for not wanting to quit. P.S. I. HATE. RUNNING. And ill also be starting classes with resistance training to gain the ton of lean muscle I am lacking. ha. I just have to say I'm blessed with the resources I have to not only find out my health but do something about it! Just wanted to share with everyone. :)) Life is fabulous.

Freshman 15..

Ever heard of it?! Is there such thing as the Summer 30?? We'll just say that my dates at the gym just hit another level of intimacy. It's where I will be spending hours at a time possibly multiple times a day for the next few months. I have hit a point of ultimate disappointment in how I've treated my body and I refuse to be fluffy. I am doing something about it, TODAY!!!

Just thought you all may want to know!! :))))

I apologize to those who may have come to my page for some insight or possibly just a little catch-me-up on what is going on in my life. The break from work has been ever so pleasant I must say... For the first time in a while I can say that I am sad to see summer come to an end here in the next couple of months. I've enjoyed my freedom and peace of mind away from the stress of the corporate world and of course the warm sunshine that FINALLY came around this year.

This summer I decided to take a mental break from almost everything... facebook, alcohol, and a few other things that tend to cause negative energy. I cannot stress enough how good it feels! It has officially been two months since I have drank {aside from a wedding I attended this summer, and for the record, that doesn't count} and a little over two weeks since I have deactivated my facebook account. I feel free. I feel alive. Life is good.

Life is good... and so is God. When you're out of line, he puts you in place and when you're doing the right thing, he rewards you. There was one point in my life where I questioned his existence and authority and I am so happy that I stepped out and found out for ME that he does exist, he is my authority, and that he loves me. I won't elaborate on details, I don't want to bore you but without God, I would be one miserable human being.

I will try to get and blog more with posts that have something to actually talk about. Goals, life stories, adventures etc....

Losing It...

My shortcomings and convictions have been a huge cloud looming over my head the last couple of weeks. I am so lost in the sea of them that I feel that there is no way out. These things are things that I will probably never tell anyone in my lifetime but my God knows exactly what I am guilty of. As I share this with a friend of mine today, a song was brought to our conversation. This song, word for word, expresses how I have been feeling lately. What if our God only had so much to forgive, so much that he could forget, and only allowed so many times for us to mess up?? What a mess we would be but why at this point in my life am I using that as leverage to keep committing to what I know is so wrong in His eyes? I hate the positon I have put myself in and I hate that I have allowed Satan so far in that he is controlling me without any struggle. I feel so lost and so far gone. I wanted to share this song with whomever may read this... I do have hope, there will be peace.. losing it and letting go is the most difficult part of this...

Here it goes..

Here I am... blogging... for the lack of blogging as of late...

Life has been weird [uncomfortable] but not bad. If I hadn't felt like I was having a mid life crisis before, I definitely do now. Remember that question.. what are your goals in the next 5 years? Here we are at the 3 1\2 year mark with the perfect opportunity to accomplish everything that I had set out for myself. I hadn't been far off track... who am I kidding... Ive been way off track but it seemed that everything was going well enough for me that I could settle for what I was doing. That chapter in my life has closed and it's on to the next one, the one that I really wanted, the one that I will be most happy and feel most successful, right at my fingertips, WHY am I not embracing it with all that I have? Why is it so easy for me to procrastinate, why have I not done it... if even just for myself? In all honesty, I have no answer. I can blame things on the past, on how Ive been raised, on what I did or didn't learn while growing up but if I were to say anything like that, It would be unfair to myself. Thats all an excuse now and excuses are unacceptable at this point in my life. I don't need direction, I need strength. Strength is the only thing I seem to be lacking... I can do this, there is nothing at this point holding me back. In fact, the people most important to me are pushing me forward, I need to just go. Do this for me, for those who have always known I can do it, and even for those who dont think I can. Please pray that God give me the strength to move forward and accomplish this goal that I am so childishly scared of....

Mr Blake Thiess, where do I begin? I know I've said it all before but I'm a tad proud and want the whole world to know what great of a friend that I have made...

Just over a month ago while browsing some photos of a dear friends modeling albums, I came across Blake Thiess, a photographer who had an apparent passion for what he did, who brought something out in this model that it seemed like others couldn't accomplish. The laughter, the lust, the happiness, and the beauty in these photos were untouchable. I shot Blake and email and the personality in the reply bursted out of the computer. So full of insight and common interest... it was great! Of course we talked photos, a lot. But the more we got to see a deeper side of one another, there became an understanding and a connection. We both realized we had lost touch with our inner spirituality. We both needed help and took it upon ourselves to lean on each others shoulder. My friendship with Blake is a true blessing that I can count one time over again... and again.

I want to thank Blake again for the energy, the insight, the charismatic and contagious personality he brings forth to our friendship whether it be a phone conversation, a text, a facebook IM or a photoshoot. It's such a blast! I want to share with everyone an impromptu photoshoot with Blakes new camera. The photos turned out [exceptionally] well and I am so proud to post them everywhere. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and I hope that one day you are lucky enough to work with him too. Check out his blog and photography website... Phenomenal is an understatement.

http://blakejamesphotography.blogspot.com/
http://blakejamesphotography.com/

Trying so hard...

I spend so much time trying so hard to be what I have set to be for other people. The smile they need when they're having a.bad day, the laugh they want to share, the happiness they're missing, the friend, the sister, the girlfriend, and the daughter they are looking for. I am so content and at peace with all of those things until I search deep for the smile of my own I need when I'm having a bad day, the happiness I am missing from my own life, and the person I want to be, for me. What road am I meant to travel, who is meant to come along and in my journey if I am so empty, how am I suppose to genuinely give allof these things to those that I love the most?? I am trying so hard to be a better girlfriend because I fall short every single day, I am trying hard to be a great friend and a loving sister but everyday feel like I am failing miserably. I need to try hard being me... but I am so scared of losing... losing this unknown battle of emotions and outcomes... I need some guidance, some direction, is anyone out there?

Light amidst the Darkness

Tonight, I decided to take a mental break from the world. Something I feel is necessary to flush out anything that has caused any form of stress, animosity, or negativity.

I lit seven candles this evening and set them in the window sill of my bedroom. Seven beautiful candles,each of their own deep and vibrant color,each of their own dancing flicker from the calm summer-like night breeze. Each somehow holding their own meaning, their own song, their own story of love,of hardship,of losses and of gain.

Now, only six dancing flickers, the first taken by a force of wind that it couldn't stand to hold. I've decided that this one represents those that I have lost, those that I have lost to a battle they chose to lose all on their own. Those that gave up so easily to the strong winds of life... the winds that came and then gone. Those that no matter how big the number nor how tall the crowd didn't see that their light was the brightest shining light amongst all of our own.

Two more are fading away, these represent those I use to call my friend, those who didn't seem to understand that friendship was a whole lot more than the good times. Those that thought they'd be better off finding something that can only be found in a childs dream. Those that only heard what they wanted rather than having an appreciation for someone who wouldn't tell them anything but the truth... Fading away and then gone.

Four are still lit, one with no movement, an almost blinding, still brightness, two together, with completely different dances, and another, that when it's focused on, lets off its beautiful aroma and ever so often bright flicker. The beautiful aroma of the earth, the chirping of birds, the flow of the river, the dance of the trees, and the coming and going of the sun. The two together are my family and friends that even so dim in comparison to the still canndle, are shining brightly, continuously there, dancing their own dances but coming together to stand the test of time of what true love and friendship really is. Lastly, my God, shining brightly and still, always, always watching me, always letting me be who I wish to be, and if I choose, always shining so bright as my reminder that HE is the one guiding my way,who without, the others would not exist.

I will fall asleep tonight, as I do every night, with these four candles always lit in my life. Each one of them a blessing.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Yeah!! I do have amazing friends and Ill brag about them as much as I want!!!!

A dear friends facebook note has inspired me to count just a few of many blessings that my amazing friends bring into my life everyday. In no specific order....

1. Honesty- I am so thankful that no matter how harsh or hurtful the truth is, 100% honesty is all you have to bring to the table in our friendship. For short or long term purposes, I know that you all have my best interest in mind and would never mask something just so that I may feel better or like you more in that moment of time. I am also so thankful that my true friends appreciate how honest I am with them and in the long run have an understanding of why honesty is the most important aspect in any kind of relationship.

2. Loyalty- Correct me if I am wrong but I think I can speak for most when I say that we have all grown up so different from one another and have completely different backgrounds and life stories to share. I personally am so blessed to have friends that understand this concept, can accept it, and be my friend regardless. Loyalty isn't just being a friend in the good times, its being a friend in the good, the bad, the ugly, the annoying, the tragic, the dramatic, and the crazy times. Thank you all for being you and allowing me to be me, sticking by each others side all along the way.

3. Joy- I don't think I can express just how greatful and proud I am to have all of my friends who bring joy to my life. Laughing and Loving are two of my favorite things to do. I love being loved and love being laughed with.I enjoy it almost more than anything else in life. You, my friends, are so great to me and I am so blessed to find joy in each one of our relationships. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

4. Happiness- This goes hand in hand with joy. From the little moments of happiness to the big moments of happiness... I am one LUCKY girl!!! If I could tag all of my friends who make me as happy as I am today, I would.. but it's not possible. Keep bringing me the happiness and our amazing friendships can only continue to grow!

5. Strength- This is a huge one for me. It is the most hard attribute to have when things dont go right, it is the easiest thing to give up, and its so simply lost if it is not practiced. I can not express in words how strong my friends are and have made me. There are two paths you can take and its been a huge blessing that my friends choose this one. I don't know where I would be if they didnt have it. I know from personal experience that the strength I have and share has saved a friends life and that is the biggest accomplishment in the whole world for me. Words will never say how much of a blessing this is and how much I admire every single one of my friends for having this.

6. Accountability- Thank God that majority( the people that matter most to me, sorry for those that take offense to this) are accountable. There has not been one instant that my true friends have not been there for me the second that I have needed them. (Within reason of course) They are there to listen, to counsel, to guide, to make me laugh, to make me smile, to push me through, the list goes on... Plans made are always followed through with and even if it costs an extra dime to spend time together, they make it happen!!! Money is replaceable, friendships are not and I am so so so SO greatful that I am blessed with friends that understand this. This paragraph in itself could be a novel but I will stop here because I think the point is proven.

As I said these are just some to name a few and I am so blessed to have the best of friends that anyone could ask for. New and Old... the memories will continue to be made and I hope that from here on out, you are all here with me until the end. I love you all so much and am so proud to call you my friends.... thank you for everything you have done for me. Whoever does not have you in their life is missing out on some of the most amazing gifts ever given. <3 <3 <3

The Greater Things in Life

To me, it's the simple things in life that matter the most.

Very recently I was let go from a company I had been with for 3 years. It was in an industry that I was definitely considering making a career and though it didn't pay very much, I loved my job and what more could you ask for?? The proposed reasoning of it all can be justified by myself [and most others] as ridiculous but it's pointless to even discuss it any more than I already have.

Moral of the story: I, if not more than ever before, have such a high respect and overwhelming love for all of my family and my friends. Having so much time off has allowed me to get to know each one of them better and I am so proud to say that every one of them has as big of a smile on their face as I do, all the time.[I need that] They have come through for me in so many ways from the simple small things to the great and complicated things. I need to thank every one of them for it. Thank you for the motivation to stay healthy and fit, thank you for the motivation to go after what I really want rather than settling only for what I can get, thank you most importantly for challenging me every day to be a better person and a better friend. I couldn't ask for more understanding and whole hearted genuine friends.

I now have the freedom to open up, express, and introduce myself to new people. The recent connections I have made are phenomenal and I cant wait to get to know them on a different level.

Life, is SO good!!!

"The Magical Place"

Michelle said it best when she described The Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm as a magical place. I don't think I could have enjoyed it as much with anyone else! The never ending [145 acres to be exact]fields of color were simply put, breathtaking! I won't ruin it for those who have yet to experience it, and to savor the moments we shared today, I will leave the details out. I am proud, in fact, VERY proud to be printing off [for the first time] my own photography and hanging it in the place that I call home. I will share a couple of my top picks. It's only a slight glimpse of how great this place really is and I advise anyone who has not gone to make the trip!

ONE YEAR!!

I am so so SO happy to say that in T-minus [less than] two days, Aaron and I will have officially been together for a whole one year!! YESS!! As I was going through pictures to share of my most favorite memories for the last year of our relationship, I realized just how lucky I am and how really, the word love, is such a small word for what I truly feel for him. I will say it now and more than likely more than ten times in the future but there is NOTHING like being in an intimate and committed relationship with your closest friend. Here are some of my favorite memories with Aaron... I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. :)

A spur of the moment (when isn't it with me) with my manager, our canadian guest and my new friend Aaron to PDX. There was no plan of what we were going to do once we got there or when we were even going to come back but Aaron was along for the ride and was a great sport about it. When one thing fell through, we ended up finding another and soon enough ice skating and a walk on the waterfront it was. This was one of the many pictures that never turned out but this picture was it for me. I was crushing. We just seemed to fit so perfectly together don't you agree?


This night was epic. After all the crazy dancing, drinking, and drama, I am so surprised Aaron was still even slightly interested in pursuing me. From having to be Andrew's wingman to almost having to rescue Andrew from the police right before deployment and listening to my crazy co workers squabble and share absolutely insance stories, he was again a great sport and soo much fun to have around for everyone!! Experiencing the Greek Culture was awesome and if you ever get the chance to do it, don't pass it up. They are so much fun and so much full of life, it's very refreshing!!




Amazing night, that is all I can say about this picture. Blazers vs Grizzlies March 28th 2009. Had the time of my life.


Mt Hood Meadows 3rd Annual Pond Skim... something I never knew that existed but soo glad I came across it. "This is where Contestants will launch themselves across a frigid 90‐foot long and 3‐foot deep pond on their snowboards or skis, while onlookers will be treated to Pond Skim hi‐jinks, live music, Polynesian decor and round‐the‐clock beer sampling. All entrants will be vying for the grand prize of a trip for two to Hawaii, courtesy of All About Hawaii.The contest has two rounds: in the first round, all participants attempt to skim the pond, and if successful they move on to the second round which becomes the “skim‐off” to determine the winner. If more than one contestant makes it to the other side in round two, prizes will be awarded for the top three places, as well as for the best splash, best impression made by a woman contestant, and best Hawaiian costume." This event was a ton of fun... Aaron was a shirtless Bill Clinton with a loosened tie and his pants around his ankles. Quite hilarious and fit in well with the girl dressed as a spam box, a girl in a bikini, and nonetheless Barack Obama and his dog among many others!! They use to have an album on the skihood site but apparently not anymore... you can google images for mt hood pond skim to get an idea of the event.

This is one of my all time favorite pictures taken just before a get together I had with my close friends up in Portland at a Boutique hotel... this night was awkward and very interesting to say the least but very fun, as always!










St Paul Rodeo 2009, lots of beer and light sabre action! I think Aaron's first rodeo was a success! Soo much fun!





WEDDING SEASON! In celebration of Aaron's co worker Stacy, Willamette Valley Vineyards. What an amazing experience this was!!























Hands down best road trip EVER! There are sooo many pictures I would like to share of this trip but this entry is getting too long as it is. Disneyland, Universal Studios, Knotts Berry Farm, and Six Flags Magic Mountain; Pure awesomeness! Aside from the 115 degree weather in Palm Springs we stayed in a condo suite right on the golf course and loved every second of it... again minus the heat! There are so many inside jokes and tummy aching laughs that we still share created on this trip. Off to Vegas it was where we met up with some fun fun fun friends of mine. Longest week ever but worth every second!!

Baseball: a sport that I have never been [until now] interested in to the slightest degree. When we first met, I was working at the Albany property where my GM at that time was a sports fanatic. He thought it was important that I learned the dynamics of baseball in hopes that it would spike an insterest of some kind....IT WORKED!! I had a baseball term of the day; some days he would tell me what it meant, other days he would make me research it and then there were the days he had me ask Aaron. Those days I am pretty sure he gave me the lamest term cause Aaron would just laugh before he could tell me what it meant. Aaron was on a summer league last year and hopefully he will be this year too. It's been a lot of fun to watch him play in a sport rather than coach it for a change. I am really enjoying this :)

Being Goofy at the Oregon State Fair 2009. We look hot in our shades (or whatever you call those things) no matter what you say. Enough Said.

By far one of the things that I enjoy the most. My Oregon Ducks Football. Thankfully Aaron [best friend Erik and Marina too] made for an awesome trip!! Aaron hadn't been since he was little and I think we both saw a side to each other that we hadn't before. I love being in that atmosphere and sharing that experience with him was ultimate for me!






I have a new found passion for snowboarding and I have to say, Aaron has been an amazing Snowboarding partner. I am better each time that we go but from the start, he was more patient with me than I would be with a newbie! It's made every experience for one reason or another unforgettable. I plan on investing in some new gear here soon and would love for anyone who is interested in joining us up on the mountain to speak up!






Meet Bacardi; our child. I can't even tell you how many pictures we have snuck of each other cuddling with her. She's a total daddy's girl which some days I can't stand but in moments like this, my heart just melts. This is my favorite of them all. Isn't it sweet?!





Our most recent... Valentines Day 2010. Melting Pot in Portland. As seen in the picture this was the most amazing little set up ever. Fresh Fruits and Sweets to dip in our Amaretto Chocolate...a cute little picture of us compliments of the restuarant and you cant forget the couples packet and bag of rose petals!! <3 <3 <3 Not to mention the homemade dinner prior to. Ravioli, French Bread, and the most AMAZING Caesar Salad that I've ever had. Best. Boyfriend. Ever!!










To closing one year and opening two... I am the happiest girl on this planet... Aaron, thank you for being you. I love every bit of our relationship, you are amazing!!!

MissLiz On....

LOVE: My love for Aaron grows stronger and stronger every day. Seeing him makes my heart beat ten times faster, waking up to him makes my day ten times better, and being around him makes my smile, well, ten times bigger. There's nothing like spending time and getting to be with [for what I hope is forever] your role model and very closest friend. Coping with his schedule and the little time we get to see one another has been extremely difficult but I think I am finally getting the hang of it. It's quality rather than quantity and I am loving every second of that. I am so proud of him for the teaching, the coaching, the reffing,the schooling, and everything else he manages to do all in one week including making time for me. I without a doubt, have more in a boyfriend than I could have ever imagined and I am the happiest that I have ever been!

FRIENDS: Point blank, I have the best friends anyone could ask for [and more], those who don't know them are missing out on some amazing blessings... They have been there for me through the worst and the best and continue to pull through for all the good times and the bad. Words do not express the love that I have for each and every one of them. Love, love, love you guys!!

HEALTH: Being fit is the most amazing feeling in the world. I may not be a size 0 or ever even be a size 5 again but I love my body and that is the most important thing to me. I am able to do and see things that as I have said before, most don't get to. Hiking is my new favorite past time. I would hike every day if I could. Oregon is a great start, I have an appreciation for my state that I never had before. I am excited to explore different states and in the future, different countries. Exchanging the empty calories of beer for water has made a huge difference in my stamina and all around well being, I love it. Best. Decision. Ever.

FINANCES: I am FINALLY back on top and I can once again say that I was able to pay all of my bills on time AND put money into my savings account. Goodbye Stress: HELLOOO Freedom! I made my first big (ridiculously big) purchase a few years ago that has kicked me in the rear quite a few times to say the least.My Car. Well, that my friends, is ALMOST paid off! I am soo excited to have one number on the other side of that comma rather than two, let alone a number less than 6! My next goal... $500... and then MINE. All Mine!!! I still have a little debt but that will all be paid off in no time. I am giving myself no later than January for that... then the word ACCOMPLISHMENT really kicks in. YESS!!!!

WORK: Work is the only thing I have to complain about. I have been here for a long time and I guess the longer I am here, the things that haven't changed and probably never will get on my nerves more and more. I should be used to it by now... Authorities don't listen, they are only worried about themselves and what corporate thinks about them or their numbers, not the conditions their employees are working under or anything else for that matter... On the other hand I am VERY thankful to have a job that pays more than minimum wage and gives me close to 40 hours every week. Until something better comes along I should work on keeping my mouth shut and fake being happy here. Work is work right?


LIFE: All in all, my life is wonderful, great family, amazing boyfriend, awesome friends,and a God that blesses me every day with each one of those things. Oh yeah, and I am registering for the Dragonslayer Bike,Hike, and Trike for Sarcoma Cancer in Portland. Here is the link: http://www.nwsarcoma.org/ & http://www.nwsarcoma.org/about-us/nwsf-news/341-dragonslayer-pdx Check them both out and let me know if you would like to be a part of our team!!!

Laughing, Loving, and Living

An infamous motto I like to think that I live by but in all reality forget all about as a whole every now and then. Life is so full of opportunities to love or to hate, to forgive or to hold onto, to laugh or to be angry, and no matter what you choose to be at that moment in time, it all seems to work out one way or another in the end. Why do I tend to waste so much time on doing the latter? Over the last week, I have taken time to set all of those negative emotions aside and befriending those that I normally wouldn't, forgiving [and forgetting] things I habitually hang on to, laughing with those that I truly love deeply no matter how much different than they are from me. I've found a deep common ground by opening up and letting in, it makes me at peace with everything in life. I wanted to share some unforgettable memories that I had the other day on our whim of an outing when we decided to take a last minute road trip to Bend. There was a whole lot of laughing, loving, and living on this trip and I am so excited to take more... Ashley and Lynne, Thank you for being a big part of my life and the so far successul journey to becoming a better person. You mean to me more than you know.

SprinG Is here!!!!

I just wanted to pop on here and say that I had SOO much fun yesterday... I think my roommate, Danny and I soaked up every bit of sun that there was. Started with Pizza and Beer at Walerys and then off to the park to play some football and throw a frisbee... met some new friends, tricked people into thinking they dropped their pockets and that their feet were untied, helped out a kid in need, drank a lot, and most importantly smiled and laughed more than you could imagine all in one day. Ahhh life is so so good and I can not wait for more days off!!!

Ready to move on...

For as long as I can remember,I knew that I wanted to work in the hospitality industry. All through high school I wanted to be a flight attendant and travel the world. As I got older and the world got smarter, the economy took a dive, and the thought of one day having a family I get to spend quality time with, the idea of being a flight attendant wasn't so practical for the lifestyle I was looking for. Three years ago, I decided that I wanted to work in a hotel. What could be better? If my family ever needed to re locate, it was inevitable that I'd find a job wherever I was to go. I could start out small and maybe one day manage or even own a resort in paradise or some place like Vegas or even Disneyland. Working at a hotel in a variety of mediums from guest service agent, to supervisor, and now Event and Group Coordinator, I have had some of the best experiences ever. None that I will ever regret or forget in a lifetime. I have met some amazing people who I will hold dear to my life as long as I live. All of that is great but for the last three years, I have worked SO hard to earn so little more than a whole lot of gratitude of every blessing God has given me along the way. It is time for me to move on and do something for myself... something I am PROUD of...something different. I am not sure where this road leads at this point but I am on a mission to find out.I am over where I'm at in my life with my job and how low of a person the surroundings of my job make me feel. I am much better than this and only I am in charge of making a change for myself. I have amazing friends that are going back to school and doing all of the right things for themeselves... why should I make myself suffer just because I know that I am good at my job and have a "security". I have decided, for myself, that it is no longer worth it. Yay for new opportunities, I pray that one I can't turn down is right around the corner!!!

Spring slips into even the most hidden places of the countryside

Nature at it's best. I am so excited to experience this quaint little oasis tomorrow and I am crossing my fingers [and toes] that we don't run into any hippie enthusiasts that tend to take full advantage of "clothing optional" If you haven't been to a hot spring before, I would definitely reccommend it! There is nothing else like the cleansing and soothing of the skin from this spring water. It creates a peace of mind and the "whole new you" feeling. A hot tub in (as seen above) a hollowed out Cedar tree. I'm not sure that it gets much more natural than that.

Bikini Body....

Yup!! That is what I will have by summertime! Just about the time that everyone started posting what they were going to be giving up for Lent, I decided that I too was going to give something up for at least, if not longer, than the duration of Lent. (40 Days for those of you who don't know) What better of an idea than alcohol?! At first, I thought this task was going to be impossible. (Most of you know, Im quite the partier) But for many reasons, I have found that it's one of the better decisions that I've ever made. My body loves me for it and let me tell you, Soo does my bank account!! On top of giving up thousands of empty calories a month, I will be getting my gym membership tomorrow and working out every day of the "work" week. Yes, I will be taking weekends off with the exception of an occasional Group Kick class and of course hiking up mountains, beach dunes, and whatever else I may feel like conquering!


Bikini Body, Here I come!!!!!! Who's with me?!?!

There IS light at the end of this dark tunnell!!

If someone asked me to sit down and write out all of the qualities I consider myself to be, you'd see words like strong, confident, outgoing, beautiful, happy, loving and entertaining. I think highly of myself as a woman but there is another side to me that I don't like others to see and that is the weak, the sad, and the lonely me. Some but very few of you know that the last couple of months have been a huge struggle for me. It's not something I have openly talked about or shared with much of anyone, not even those whom I love the most. I started this blog as an outlet for my feelings, as an open book, an aide for those who don't understand why I am the way I am from one day to another. Here, you will see the unmasked.

As seen in a previous post, I have lost everything I thought that mattered but gained a world of everything that really has. In this crazy world of tragedy, loss, and hardship I've realized there is a whole lot of love. What is it about the god awful word depression that shuns that love when given and ignores it as if it's out to get you?? This sickness is something that I don't understand. I have many unanswered questions and am out to defeat it on a personal level from within. It's causing me a lot of pain and making me act like someone else. Depression is something I at first was ashamed and embarrassed to admit I had.I was in denial that I was even going through something of this degree. In it's progression as of late, my body is physically effected by it and now I am at a point of fear.

I am here blogging about this to apologize to those that I love for not saying anything and seeking the help I needed when this originally came about. I can and will conquer this. I refuse to fall victim to the severe outcome this sickness has on people. I am strong. This is in my control, God will not give me anything I cannot handle therefore;the weak, the sad, and the lonely feelings I have had can kiss my ass!! I am confident. I will overcome this, there is no doubt in my mind. I am more powerful than this sickness. I am outgoing. I will continue to enjoy the world that was meant to be enjoyed. I will play in the snow, the rain, and of course the sun. I am beautiful. I will eat healthy and not be the face of depression. I am happy. Smiling is my favorite thing to do so in every moment of sadness, I will look to those that make me laugh and I will do something that makes me smile. I am loving. I love to love and I loved to be loved. I will open that closed door and embrace it with all that I have. I, am entertaining. We all know that's what I do better than anything else. Depression stands no chance.



"The size of your success is measured by the strenght of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way." Robert Kiyosaki

"What nature delivers to us is never stale. Because what nature creates has eternity in it." Isaac Bashevis Singer

Today I will be making the [much needed] 8.7 mile trek of the Trail of the Ten Falls at Silver Creek Falls in Silverton. There is something about the nature God created that brings back all sanity and peace of mind. Everything you once took for granted, no longer exists and every worry you thought you had is blown away with the wind. The serene atmosphere is so sensitive and can be very harmed with any negativity, It's the place I go to silently release that from within me.











Update: Although in a lot of pain, I am feeling very accomplished. As the seconds, minutes, and hours went by and the miles slipped from under my feet, I couldn't help but to be thankful and in utmost happiness for the amazing life that I have. I was able to see things today that a lot of people aren't able to or just won't see in their lifetime. I made a new friend today that understands me, that respects me, and that most of all was great company. Whether it was being goofy, serious, and even rebellious... I had the time of my life... again. I set so many goals for myself on this hike, every one of them beyond my reach, yet attainable. All negativity has subsided and my future is once again clear as day. God is so good. And Ashley, thank you again for letting me share today with you.