Here it goes..

Here I am... blogging... for the lack of blogging as of late...

Life has been weird [uncomfortable] but not bad. If I hadn't felt like I was having a mid life crisis before, I definitely do now. Remember that question.. what are your goals in the next 5 years? Here we are at the 3 1\2 year mark with the perfect opportunity to accomplish everything that I had set out for myself. I hadn't been far off track... who am I kidding... Ive been way off track but it seemed that everything was going well enough for me that I could settle for what I was doing. That chapter in my life has closed and it's on to the next one, the one that I really wanted, the one that I will be most happy and feel most successful, right at my fingertips, WHY am I not embracing it with all that I have? Why is it so easy for me to procrastinate, why have I not done it... if even just for myself? In all honesty, I have no answer. I can blame things on the past, on how Ive been raised, on what I did or didn't learn while growing up but if I were to say anything like that, It would be unfair to myself. Thats all an excuse now and excuses are unacceptable at this point in my life. I don't need direction, I need strength. Strength is the only thing I seem to be lacking... I can do this, there is nothing at this point holding me back. In fact, the people most important to me are pushing me forward, I need to just go. Do this for me, for those who have always known I can do it, and even for those who dont think I can. Please pray that God give me the strength to move forward and accomplish this goal that I am so childishly scared of....