Laughing, Loving, and Living

An infamous motto I like to think that I live by but in all reality forget all about as a whole every now and then. Life is so full of opportunities to love or to hate, to forgive or to hold onto, to laugh or to be angry, and no matter what you choose to be at that moment in time, it all seems to work out one way or another in the end. Why do I tend to waste so much time on doing the latter? Over the last week, I have taken time to set all of those negative emotions aside and befriending those that I normally wouldn't, forgiving [and forgetting] things I habitually hang on to, laughing with those that I truly love deeply no matter how much different than they are from me. I've found a deep common ground by opening up and letting in, it makes me at peace with everything in life. I wanted to share some unforgettable memories that I had the other day on our whim of an outing when we decided to take a last minute road trip to Bend. There was a whole lot of laughing, loving, and living on this trip and I am so excited to take more... Ashley and Lynne, Thank you for being a big part of my life and the so far successul journey to becoming a better person. You mean to me more than you know.

SprinG Is here!!!!

I just wanted to pop on here and say that I had SOO much fun yesterday... I think my roommate, Danny and I soaked up every bit of sun that there was. Started with Pizza and Beer at Walerys and then off to the park to play some football and throw a frisbee... met some new friends, tricked people into thinking they dropped their pockets and that their feet were untied, helped out a kid in need, drank a lot, and most importantly smiled and laughed more than you could imagine all in one day. Ahhh life is so so good and I can not wait for more days off!!!

Ready to move on...

For as long as I can remember,I knew that I wanted to work in the hospitality industry. All through high school I wanted to be a flight attendant and travel the world. As I got older and the world got smarter, the economy took a dive, and the thought of one day having a family I get to spend quality time with, the idea of being a flight attendant wasn't so practical for the lifestyle I was looking for. Three years ago, I decided that I wanted to work in a hotel. What could be better? If my family ever needed to re locate, it was inevitable that I'd find a job wherever I was to go. I could start out small and maybe one day manage or even own a resort in paradise or some place like Vegas or even Disneyland. Working at a hotel in a variety of mediums from guest service agent, to supervisor, and now Event and Group Coordinator, I have had some of the best experiences ever. None that I will ever regret or forget in a lifetime. I have met some amazing people who I will hold dear to my life as long as I live. All of that is great but for the last three years, I have worked SO hard to earn so little more than a whole lot of gratitude of every blessing God has given me along the way. It is time for me to move on and do something for myself... something I am PROUD of...something different. I am not sure where this road leads at this point but I am on a mission to find out.I am over where I'm at in my life with my job and how low of a person the surroundings of my job make me feel. I am much better than this and only I am in charge of making a change for myself. I have amazing friends that are going back to school and doing all of the right things for themeselves... why should I make myself suffer just because I know that I am good at my job and have a "security". I have decided, for myself, that it is no longer worth it. Yay for new opportunities, I pray that one I can't turn down is right around the corner!!!

Spring slips into even the most hidden places of the countryside

Nature at it's best. I am so excited to experience this quaint little oasis tomorrow and I am crossing my fingers [and toes] that we don't run into any hippie enthusiasts that tend to take full advantage of "clothing optional" If you haven't been to a hot spring before, I would definitely reccommend it! There is nothing else like the cleansing and soothing of the skin from this spring water. It creates a peace of mind and the "whole new you" feeling. A hot tub in (as seen above) a hollowed out Cedar tree. I'm not sure that it gets much more natural than that.

Bikini Body....

Yup!! That is what I will have by summertime! Just about the time that everyone started posting what they were going to be giving up for Lent, I decided that I too was going to give something up for at least, if not longer, than the duration of Lent. (40 Days for those of you who don't know) What better of an idea than alcohol?! At first, I thought this task was going to be impossible. (Most of you know, Im quite the partier) But for many reasons, I have found that it's one of the better decisions that I've ever made. My body loves me for it and let me tell you, Soo does my bank account!! On top of giving up thousands of empty calories a month, I will be getting my gym membership tomorrow and working out every day of the "work" week. Yes, I will be taking weekends off with the exception of an occasional Group Kick class and of course hiking up mountains, beach dunes, and whatever else I may feel like conquering!


Bikini Body, Here I come!!!!!! Who's with me?!?!

There IS light at the end of this dark tunnell!!

If someone asked me to sit down and write out all of the qualities I consider myself to be, you'd see words like strong, confident, outgoing, beautiful, happy, loving and entertaining. I think highly of myself as a woman but there is another side to me that I don't like others to see and that is the weak, the sad, and the lonely me. Some but very few of you know that the last couple of months have been a huge struggle for me. It's not something I have openly talked about or shared with much of anyone, not even those whom I love the most. I started this blog as an outlet for my feelings, as an open book, an aide for those who don't understand why I am the way I am from one day to another. Here, you will see the unmasked.

As seen in a previous post, I have lost everything I thought that mattered but gained a world of everything that really has. In this crazy world of tragedy, loss, and hardship I've realized there is a whole lot of love. What is it about the god awful word depression that shuns that love when given and ignores it as if it's out to get you?? This sickness is something that I don't understand. I have many unanswered questions and am out to defeat it on a personal level from within. It's causing me a lot of pain and making me act like someone else. Depression is something I at first was ashamed and embarrassed to admit I had.I was in denial that I was even going through something of this degree. In it's progression as of late, my body is physically effected by it and now I am at a point of fear.

I am here blogging about this to apologize to those that I love for not saying anything and seeking the help I needed when this originally came about. I can and will conquer this. I refuse to fall victim to the severe outcome this sickness has on people. I am strong. This is in my control, God will not give me anything I cannot handle therefore;the weak, the sad, and the lonely feelings I have had can kiss my ass!! I am confident. I will overcome this, there is no doubt in my mind. I am more powerful than this sickness. I am outgoing. I will continue to enjoy the world that was meant to be enjoyed. I will play in the snow, the rain, and of course the sun. I am beautiful. I will eat healthy and not be the face of depression. I am happy. Smiling is my favorite thing to do so in every moment of sadness, I will look to those that make me laugh and I will do something that makes me smile. I am loving. I love to love and I loved to be loved. I will open that closed door and embrace it with all that I have. I, am entertaining. We all know that's what I do better than anything else. Depression stands no chance.



"The size of your success is measured by the strenght of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way." Robert Kiyosaki

"What nature delivers to us is never stale. Because what nature creates has eternity in it." Isaac Bashevis Singer

Today I will be making the [much needed] 8.7 mile trek of the Trail of the Ten Falls at Silver Creek Falls in Silverton. There is something about the nature God created that brings back all sanity and peace of mind. Everything you once took for granted, no longer exists and every worry you thought you had is blown away with the wind. The serene atmosphere is so sensitive and can be very harmed with any negativity, It's the place I go to silently release that from within me.











Update: Although in a lot of pain, I am feeling very accomplished. As the seconds, minutes, and hours went by and the miles slipped from under my feet, I couldn't help but to be thankful and in utmost happiness for the amazing life that I have. I was able to see things today that a lot of people aren't able to or just won't see in their lifetime. I made a new friend today that understands me, that respects me, and that most of all was great company. Whether it was being goofy, serious, and even rebellious... I had the time of my life... again. I set so many goals for myself on this hike, every one of them beyond my reach, yet attainable. All negativity has subsided and my future is once again clear as day. God is so good. And Ashley, thank you again for letting me share today with you.