A word from one of my favorite role models..

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.~Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe could never had said it better and at this point in my life(and a few others that I could name), I don't think this quote could have been more appropriate for some changes taking place right now. For me, I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and that statement alone almost [in a masked type of way] justifies every situation. But there's so much more depth to that... what is the reason? I think that sometimes not knowing hurts the most... its so gut wrenching and unfair. No matter how much someone tells me nothing has changed and life is just so busy that it only seems different, I don't seem to buy it. People do change and letting go is the only way to understand that the truth of it isn't that life is so busy that things seem different but that they have truly changed. I have a problem with letting go. Sometimes its so easy and the times when its 'for the better', it is so hard. I shouldn't have to let go... everything can be worked out regardless right? False. On the contrary I have most recently found that letting go really does allow for the things that went so wrong to be seen like they hadn't before and for the things that were going right the whole time to shine through. Change is good and only those who fear change are not confident in themselves. I am confident, so bring on the change. I am ready for it.

back on track...

or so I thought I was! I'm back in the work game [FINALLY] and I love my job working at the gym. There is so much motivation around me to stay in shape and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I just took a body analysis today and found out how much fat weight I need to lose and how much lean weight I need to gain. The results were less than impressive and there is much work to be done. I am feeling quite accomplished today... first day of training for the 5k and I'm proud of myself for not wanting to quit. P.S. I. HATE. RUNNING. And ill also be starting classes with resistance training to gain the ton of lean muscle I am lacking. ha. I just have to say I'm blessed with the resources I have to not only find out my health but do something about it! Just wanted to share with everyone. :)) Life is fabulous.

Freshman 15..

Ever heard of it?! Is there such thing as the Summer 30?? We'll just say that my dates at the gym just hit another level of intimacy. It's where I will be spending hours at a time possibly multiple times a day for the next few months. I have hit a point of ultimate disappointment in how I've treated my body and I refuse to be fluffy. I am doing something about it, TODAY!!!

Just thought you all may want to know!! :))))

I apologize to those who may have come to my page for some insight or possibly just a little catch-me-up on what is going on in my life. The break from work has been ever so pleasant I must say... For the first time in a while I can say that I am sad to see summer come to an end here in the next couple of months. I've enjoyed my freedom and peace of mind away from the stress of the corporate world and of course the warm sunshine that FINALLY came around this year.

This summer I decided to take a mental break from almost everything... facebook, alcohol, and a few other things that tend to cause negative energy. I cannot stress enough how good it feels! It has officially been two months since I have drank {aside from a wedding I attended this summer, and for the record, that doesn't count} and a little over two weeks since I have deactivated my facebook account. I feel free. I feel alive. Life is good.

Life is good... and so is God. When you're out of line, he puts you in place and when you're doing the right thing, he rewards you. There was one point in my life where I questioned his existence and authority and I am so happy that I stepped out and found out for ME that he does exist, he is my authority, and that he loves me. I won't elaborate on details, I don't want to bore you but without God, I would be one miserable human being.

I will try to get and blog more with posts that have something to actually talk about. Goals, life stories, adventures etc....

Losing It...

My shortcomings and convictions have been a huge cloud looming over my head the last couple of weeks. I am so lost in the sea of them that I feel that there is no way out. These things are things that I will probably never tell anyone in my lifetime but my God knows exactly what I am guilty of. As I share this with a friend of mine today, a song was brought to our conversation. This song, word for word, expresses how I have been feeling lately. What if our God only had so much to forgive, so much that he could forget, and only allowed so many times for us to mess up?? What a mess we would be but why at this point in my life am I using that as leverage to keep committing to what I know is so wrong in His eyes? I hate the positon I have put myself in and I hate that I have allowed Satan so far in that he is controlling me without any struggle. I feel so lost and so far gone. I wanted to share this song with whomever may read this... I do have hope, there will be peace.. losing it and letting go is the most difficult part of this...

Here it goes..

Here I am... blogging... for the lack of blogging as of late...

Life has been weird [uncomfortable] but not bad. If I hadn't felt like I was having a mid life crisis before, I definitely do now. Remember that question.. what are your goals in the next 5 years? Here we are at the 3 1\2 year mark with the perfect opportunity to accomplish everything that I had set out for myself. I hadn't been far off track... who am I kidding... Ive been way off track but it seemed that everything was going well enough for me that I could settle for what I was doing. That chapter in my life has closed and it's on to the next one, the one that I really wanted, the one that I will be most happy and feel most successful, right at my fingertips, WHY am I not embracing it with all that I have? Why is it so easy for me to procrastinate, why have I not done it... if even just for myself? In all honesty, I have no answer. I can blame things on the past, on how Ive been raised, on what I did or didn't learn while growing up but if I were to say anything like that, It would be unfair to myself. Thats all an excuse now and excuses are unacceptable at this point in my life. I don't need direction, I need strength. Strength is the only thing I seem to be lacking... I can do this, there is nothing at this point holding me back. In fact, the people most important to me are pushing me forward, I need to just go. Do this for me, for those who have always known I can do it, and even for those who dont think I can. Please pray that God give me the strength to move forward and accomplish this goal that I am so childishly scared of....

Mr Blake Thiess, where do I begin? I know I've said it all before but I'm a tad proud and want the whole world to know what great of a friend that I have made...

Just over a month ago while browsing some photos of a dear friends modeling albums, I came across Blake Thiess, a photographer who had an apparent passion for what he did, who brought something out in this model that it seemed like others couldn't accomplish. The laughter, the lust, the happiness, and the beauty in these photos were untouchable. I shot Blake and email and the personality in the reply bursted out of the computer. So full of insight and common interest... it was great! Of course we talked photos, a lot. But the more we got to see a deeper side of one another, there became an understanding and a connection. We both realized we had lost touch with our inner spirituality. We both needed help and took it upon ourselves to lean on each others shoulder. My friendship with Blake is a true blessing that I can count one time over again... and again.

I want to thank Blake again for the energy, the insight, the charismatic and contagious personality he brings forth to our friendship whether it be a phone conversation, a text, a facebook IM or a photoshoot. It's such a blast! I want to share with everyone an impromptu photoshoot with Blakes new camera. The photos turned out [exceptionally] well and I am so proud to post them everywhere. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and I hope that one day you are lucky enough to work with him too. Check out his blog and photography website... Phenomenal is an understatement.

http://blakejamesphotography.blogspot.com/
http://blakejamesphotography.com/